haunted

I find it ironic, for lack of a better word, that I'm having a fantastic day (well, "fantastic" is a bit of an overstatement, but a good day nonetheless) until suddenly, out of friggin' NOWHERE, I'm hit by a wave of... nothingness. Pure absence hit me like a ton of bricks. I was putting homemade chocolate chip cookies into a tupperware container to give to my neighbor, the Jane Doe I wrote my essay about, and I froze. My eyes fixed on the wall in front of me, but it was like I was looking far past the wall, not necessarily through it, just.... past it, at something else. But I wasn't looking at anything at all. I dropped a cookie off of the spatula in my hand, and as it hit the counter I snapped out of my.. trance, or whatever. Since then I've felt entirely dissociated. It's not sadness, it's not anger, it's not depression, is just... nothing. Nothing at all. But not the good kind of nothing. Not the throw-my-arms-up-and-laugh-because-I-don't-feel-a-thing, or the narcotized bliss kind of nothing, it's really, really nothing.
I finished putting away the cookies and put some laundry in the washer. I grabbed a beer from the fridge, deciding that a nice Yuengling and a hot, hot bubble bath would make me feel so much better. It always does. I turned the faucet on hot. Very hot. My close boy-friend called right as I was sending him a text message to say that I was feeling out of sorts and needed a bath. He's the only person who has never made me angry, never left me without at least a smirk, if not a full smile and laughter, on my face. We spoke as I drew my bath and climbed in. He wasn't helping. When we got off the phone, I threw mine down into the tile floor and said, "Leave me alone." I was surprised. At his annoyance, at my getting annoyed, but mostly at the ten tears that followed.
Yes, I counted.
Three from my right eye, seven from my left.
3/7
Huh. Funny. Isn't that today's date?